What's Wrong with being CONFIDENT?

Something wonderful and amazing happened today. Of course then followed by something not so wonderful… but still. It was something strange yet familiar. I looked in the mirror this morning and, guess what? I liked what I saw. Plain and Simple. No makeup on, not sucking in my stomach, not flexing, hair not done… just me.

As I mentioned, that thought was then followed by a thousand questions of self doubt, something quite familiar. The thoughts of “does this make me full of myself?” and a quick thought of all the flaws. BUT, let’s focus on the initial thought first.

I just finished my run and was going to start getting cleaned up and ready for work. I was covered in sweat, red faced, rocking frizzy hair (thank you humidity) and yet, I looked in the mirror and smiled. I genuinely liked what I saw. I could see the progress I have made in muscle definition from running and working out. I finally stopped killing my hair with straightening tools and products allowing it to actually grow. I have been doing my best to work on my posture, not only for my health but also to project confidence. Most importantly, I saw the things I had no control over and liked those things too. I realized I like the dark colour of my eyes and hair. I like my smile and even that frizzy hair. I liked the way my forehead scrunched up as I studied myself further. I like that I have never met someone who looks just like me.

Above everything, I like the person I am becoming. The person who isn’t afraid to share my writing, as cheesy as it can be. Someone who loves her friends and family with everything I have. Someone who is passionate and strong. Someone working to be more open minded and understanding, slower to anger and judge and quicker to offer encouragement and compliments. I like that I am someone who is working to embrace change and adventure, seek out new challenges, not be afraid to look “foolish” or “uncool” (and yes, even in my 30s this can be a struggle). 

All of these thoughts occurred in UNDER A MINUTE.

Less than a minute of positive thoughts before, without warning, the self-doubt and critical voice started to grow. 

The first thought was to laugh at myself with a voice saying “wow, aren’t you full of yourself?” The words conceding and self-absorbed came to mind. And even though I hadn’t even thought about these things before, reasons for why I shouldn’t have been so “full of myself” came forward. My mind immediately pointed out that my body is not the “ideal” model type. That I have grey hairs coming in already and that my skin breaks out if I even think about sugar. It started saying that my hair is too thin and that I don’t dress stylish enough. Lord knows I have zero idea on how to apply makeup the way many seem to, and don’t even ask me about contouring.

What’s worse, is that after thinking these things, I accepted them as the conclusion, shrugged my shoulders and went on with my day. Not in a bad mood or anything, just with acceptance and then pushing it to the back of my mind. I had things to do, and this was normal.

Wait… WHAT? Why? Why did I just accept this inner voice? This voice telling me things meaner than anything I would ever let anyone else tell me. Why did I let my mind settle on the negative and accept it? Since when is being confident the same as being full of myself and why is that so triggering for negative thoughts? Why do I let these thoughts overshadow the initial confidence I felt?

If I really think about it, the initial confident thoughts were genuine, unprovoked impressions. They naturally came to me, without influence or suggestion. The rest, well that was taught. Taught by movies, media, people around me, song lyrics and so much more. Just think how many songs glorify that she “doesn’t know how beautiful she is” or “she is unaware of her potential”.... Hold up! Maybe I do? Maybe I know I am pretty damn awesome. Maybe, just maybe, I don’t need someone to tell me this and maybe, that doesn’t take away from it at all. What a concept!

Ultimately, and in a rambling way, my point is, STOP QUESTIONING THESE POSITIVE THOUGHTS! Stop just believing and accepting the negative ones. You are allowed to be confident, both men and women. You are allowed to be proud and aware of your strengths.

As always, thank you for reading another rant of mine :)

We Need to do Better

We need to do better,

Better for our friends, for our families, for those around us and far away,

Better for the future,

Better for today,

Better for ourselves.

It's so easy to shutdown and so easy to judge,

Easy to blame others or specific situations for the outcome,

Easy to label one person for life by one action or one bad day,

So easy to build walls, make excuses, and accept your own thoughts as the ultimate truth.

It's easier to write someone off as rude, stupid, needy, ignorant or even "not worth the time" than it is to question why.

We question scientists, doctors, vets, nutritionists, government officials, established laws,

But not ourselves and our beliefs, not nearly enough.

We want to be unique thinkers, god forbid we are ever labelled as sheep, but, how often do we really stop and question our own beliefs and opinions? And I mean REALLY question them.

Questions where these beliefs stem from and are they still accurate or applicable?

Question the proof and the resources that provide that proof.

Question the reasoning behind the beliefs, the purpose of these beliefs.

Was this opinion developed to shelter or protect you from something that scares you more?

Was this an inherited belief from friends or family over time?

Was this a judgment based on little reasoning and driven by emotion at the time, only solidified by repeating it over and over?

Was this just an attempt not to be a sheep?

We need to do better,

Better by questioning our own opinions.

Better by allowing our beliefs to change.

Better by not being afraid to be wrong and learn from it.

Better through acceptance, warmth and compassion.

It is difficult, especially to start, to take those extra moments to question a quick judgment. Even more difficult to accept that it could be wrong.

I've lost track of how many times I have judged someone as cold or "stuck up" on one interaction. Wrote them off as such only to be proven wrong down the road. Only to learn that they were actually just very shy or, even worse, perceived me as cold and stuck up.

WE need to do better.

Better by acting with kindness.

Better by listening with not just an open mind but with interest and compassion.

By celebrating the little victories of others.

Better by reminding those around you that they matter, that they are worth that extra minute.

Better by showing appreciation to others.

Better by being kind.

When did compassion become lame or a sign of weakness?

When did it become obsolete to follow up with a thank you note?

Who still has a guest book to celebrate visitors and help you to remember those that took the time out of their day to visit?

When did being gullible or too nice become worse than being rude or cold?

What world are we building and developing that puts so much value on:

Making it Alone

Overworking

Burning Out

Never Trusting Others

Building Walls

Yet so little value on the impact compassion and kindness can have?

We need to do better,

Better by living in the moment and appreciating what everyone has to offer.

Better for those that have already sacrificed so much for our lives and the world today.

Better for those who will grow and learn in this world.

Better for those who have suffered so much at the hands of hate, racism, prejudice, unfair social and legal systems and so much more.

Better for those who are just trying to get through each day.

We may not have built this world, we may not be responsible for the damage in the past, but this is our world now. We are responsible now.

You don't have to do it all but why can't we just start with compassion and kindness?

For those around and for yourself.

Question a snap judgment.

Offer a compliment instead of an insult.

Don't be so quick to argue or excited to prove someone wrong for something that doesn't matter. Save your fight for the causes that matter.

Start by not typing that rude remark on Social Media.

Start by accepting that everyone has their battles.

Celebrate the little victories for yourself and others.

Appreciate the beauty of the world and work to build it.

We need to do better.

Better for those that deserve better.

Better for those you love, and those you barely know.

Better for yourself.

Better for your future.