It's so easy to look back and see a few things you would have done differently. Maybe there is a specific situation you would have handled differently, a job you might have pursued sooner, a different course in school or maybe a friendship that you let drift away. Ultimately, you know that there is no point in wishing you did something different and, personally, I know deep down that if I hadn't gone through what I did, I wouldn't be who I am and, if I do say so myself, I'm kind of awesome. There are a few lessons that in these last few years have become more and more important to me that I do wish I had learned a little sooner. Some I was taught as a kid, others I was told as a kid but didn't quite listen and others, I learned later than I would like to admit.
1) Your Job Position will be Posted Before Your Obituary
Maybe not in these exact words but, this is something my parents tried to stress to me over and over again. I like to keep busy and any job I have, I will give it my all. Unfortunately, some places take advantage of that. I have worked 16 hour days on "salary" (translation, I only got paid for 8 hours of the 16 BUT if I called in sick or took vacation, that "salary" didn't kick in) and did it with a smile. I was on call 24/7 with phone close by, no matter the holiday, time of day or plans. I let myself burn out, become sleep deprived, stopped working out and yet still did it with a smile on my face (most of the time). I helped others with their jobs, taking no credit, and fought for my coworkers and those that reported to me. I did it with pride and truly believed that when push came to shove, my workplace would be there for me. Boy was I wrong! Without sounding too angry, there was a small matter of a complaint I filed, an opinion I expressed and before I knew it, I was walked out. All anger aside, I certainly learned that no matter the job, I will never sacrifice my health or well-being for a job again. I will always be a hard worker, that will never change, and even still, I will probably give more than 100% but, I will also remind myself to clock out and not let them walk all over me. After being "let go", I took some time for myself and went back to jobs I loved and from there, I have had the incredible opportunity to start pursuing something new. Whether I like to admit it or not, they did me a favour. I would have given this job my whole life through and through and, only took time to realize what I was sacrificing when I had time to consider myself.
My parents always told me that they worried I was working too many hours and wasn't taking time for me. I used to brush them off thinking that they didn't understand the pressure of trying to afford rent on a single income. Or even worse, I just figured they didn't realize that my employer actually "cared" about me and wasn't like all those other employers. I would never let that happen to myself right? WRONG! It took me into my late 20s to learn this and, I still struggle but, at least now I have boundaries that I set.
2) From CEO to Entry Level Roles, Treat Everyone with Respect
This is one I learned early. Both my Mom and Dad stressed that no matter who someone is, treat them with respect and care. The janitor deserves a "good morning" and a friendly conversation just as much as the CEO. If you can help someone, help them. Not because they may be able to help you later on but, because it is the right thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I did see personal (selfish) benefits through this, potentially an early laptop upgrade because I was nice to the IT guy, an extra resource or assistance because I was nice to Security, little things like that. Doesn't mean I did it for those reasons but it did show me that you never know what you may need one day.
Don't get me wrong, I am no saint. I am sure there have been a few customer care representatives that I could have been a little nicer to *cough* telephone companies *cough* but I do still try to live by this. I work hard to learn from these experiences and keep reminding myself that the person on the other line has probably dealt with nightmare after nightmare and ultimately, I do believe karma is a thing.
3) We are Not all in the Same Boat, We are in the Same Storm, With Different Resources
I now know that I am beyond lucky to have been born into a loving family. My parents both worked hard and my sister and I never had to worry where our next meal was coming from or if the heat would be on in the winter. We were able to participate in sports and activities, had a static residential address growing up, had a mother home with us when we were young and enjoyed traveling as a family. My parents both emphasized the value of money and did tell my sister and I that not everyone was as fortunate but, I don't think I fully grasped this concept for a little while. I ignorantly assumed that everyone at least had the bare minimum. Somehow in my childish mind, I believed that Canada was a country that wouldn't let children starve or struggle.
I remember in grade school, a friend of mine was always struggling to get her homework done. Naive and ignorant me was so confused why she didn't just go home, do her homework right away and save herself the trouble of being hassled in class. I remember thinking that she was "lazy" or "careless" and, even worse, I remember rolling my eyes when she said she had been helping her brothers with their homework and had to make dinner. My brain couldn't possibly comprehend that her parents weren't making dinner or helping. It wasn't until we were working on a project together (probably a year later) that I realized her father was not in the picture, her mom worked three jobs just to keep a roof over their heads and therefore, even at the age of 11, she was caring for her three younger brothers and making sure that they had something to eat that night and for lunch the next day plus, helping them with their homework to ensure they didn't fall behind. It was a harsh dose of reality for me that I had been unfairly judgmental and hard on her. I had been so convinced that the way I lived was the opportunity that everyone else had, I had completely missed the lessons my parents had tried to teach me. I had to take a step back and realize how ignorant I was and have tried to hold that lesson close to me my whole life.
Not everyone has the same resources, abilities or support as others, plain and simple.
4) People do not See Things or Think the Same as You
This was a hard one for me to learn that I still struggle with. The words "keep it simple stupid" come to mind as my first real exposure to this. I had to write a "process document" for a class teaching people how to hook up a speaker. The way I wrote it made perfect sense and when it came time for "testing", another classmate was expected to use the instructions and set the speaker up. I proudly handed over my five page, step by step document and was almost offended when I realized how much my classmate struggled. I took this personally. I couldn't understand how someone couldn't understand the "oh so clear" instructions that I had written. Then I started to notice that everyone was struggling with instructions given to them. Worse, I struggled with the instructions given to me. There were slang terms used in the instructions I had never heard. After what seemed like ages, the teacher finally showed mercy and told us all to sit down. This is when she asked how it went. We all rolled our eyes and groaned, she knew how it went. She laughed and taught us the K.I.S.S. rule (keep it simple stupid). She explained to us that because we all have different backgrounds, education and experiences, a lot will get lost in translation.
a different idea beauty,
a different idea of success,
a different belief system,
a different expectation of themselves or others,
different abilities,
different goals,
different values and views all together.
Nobody sees me the exact way I see myself in a mirror. No one will understand why I did something. No one will know what I chose not to say. Nobody will really know what is going on in my mind. Something that I do out of compassion and love, may be looked at as something self serving or out of pity. Any extra weight that I may feel I carry at times, can be looked at by others as beauty or envy as they wish they could put on weight and not be chastized for not eating enough. Everyone has a different tolerance for how they want their life to be or what happy means to them. Someone who excels in the chaos of a crowded room may wither at one on one conversation. In other words, whatever you say or do, will always be up to interpretation by others who have a different experience in their life.
5) You Hear Your Voice the Most, You Are Your Own Worst Critic (Unless You're a Narcissist)
This one is pretty self explanatory and, no matter how many times you "reteach" yourself this, that nagging voice may still be there. I remember once a girlfriend and I were getting ready to go out to a club (remember what that is? Pre Covid Days!). I had a pair of jeans on that used to fit just a little bit better (prior to the freshman 15, the sophomore 7 and the graduation gain). I was feeling bloated and less than attractive and I clearly remember blowing up my cheeks and walking out of the bathroom saying "I am plump!" to my friend. She initially laughed but then got very serious on me when I told her I was going to change. She actually got upset with me and said that she would never let someone else say those things about me, so she isn't going to let me say those things. She then reassured me the way only a best friend can, by telling me I'm "hot" and that "any man would be lucky to have my attention", we finished our drinks and headed out to the Uber. Those words still ring through my mind. If you wouldn't let someone else say those things to you, stop saying them to yourself!
If you are an artist, an athlete, a writer, if you have a passion for anything, pursue it and love it. Try, just try and say something nice about your work, your accomplishments each day before you start to rip it all apart. People see amazing things in you, you should at least try and do the same.
6) There is a Difference Between Equality and Equity
Maybe not in these words but, this was a big lesson as a kid for me. Having an older sister who is into very different hobbies than I am and has very different interests and a very different personality, we were treated differently at times. Different things motivated her and different things motivated myself. Not everyone needs the same push.
This lesson translated very quickly into the workplace, especially in a supervisor role. Some employees were very self motivated and simply wanted recognition for their accomplishments and maybe even a little more responsibility, others, needed a little more time to learn new skills and a little more motivation to complete a job. Obviously, some are easier to work with than others but luckily, I had a manager who taught me that each employee can provide something important to the team if you just take the time to get to know them and work with them.
7) Don't Take the "Little Things" for Granted
More and more this year, I have learned exactly how much those little moments really do mean. The time I get to spend now with my dog, the time I know have each day to workout, getting to connect with my parents again as an adult. The video chats with my friends. The little escapes I get with friends (in my bubble of course) when allowed. The perfectly brewed coffee my mom makes every morning. The more I started focusing on these things, the more I started to look for the silver lining in things. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days but, even in those days I find it easier to accept that it is just a day.
