7 Lessons According to Memes

 It's so easy to look back and see a few things you would have done differently. Maybe there is a specific situation you would have handled differently, a job you might have pursued sooner, a different course in school or maybe a friendship that you let drift away. Ultimately, you know that there is no point in wishing you did something different and, personally, I know deep down that if I hadn't gone through what I did, I wouldn't be who I am and, if I do say so myself, I'm kind of awesome. There are a few lessons that in these last few years have become more and more important to me that I do wish I had learned a little sooner. Some I was taught as a kid, others I was told as a kid but didn't quite listen and others, I learned later than I would like to admit.

1) Your Job Position will be Posted Before Your Obituary

    Maybe not in these exact words but, this is something my parents tried to stress to me over and over again. I like to keep busy and any job I have, I will give it my all. Unfortunately, some places take advantage of that. I have worked 16 hour days on "salary" (translation, I only got paid for 8 hours of the 16 BUT if I called in sick or took vacation, that "salary" didn't kick in) and did it with a smile. I was on call 24/7 with phone close by, no matter the holiday, time of day or plans. I let myself burn out, become sleep deprived, stopped working out and yet still did it with a smile on my face (most of the time). I helped others with their jobs, taking no credit, and fought for my coworkers and those that reported to me. I did it with pride and truly believed that when push came to shove, my workplace would be there for me. Boy was I wrong! Without sounding too angry, there was a small matter of a complaint I filed, an opinion I expressed and before I knew it, I was walked out. All anger aside, I certainly learned that no matter the job, I will never sacrifice my health or well-being for a job again. I will always be a hard worker, that will never change, and even still, I will probably give more than 100% but, I will also remind myself to clock out and not let them walk all over me. After being "let go", I took some time for myself and went back to jobs I loved and from there, I have had the incredible opportunity to start pursuing something new. Whether I like to admit it or not, they did me a favour. I would have given this job my whole life through and through and, only took time to realize what I was sacrificing when I had time to consider myself.

    My parents always told me that they worried I was working too many hours and wasn't taking time for me. I used to brush them off thinking that they didn't understand the pressure of trying to afford rent on a single income. Or even worse, I just figured they didn't realize that my employer actually "cared" about me and wasn't like all those other employers. I would never let that happen to myself right? WRONG! It took me into my late 20s to learn this and, I still struggle but, at least now I have boundaries that I set. 

2) From CEO to Entry Level Roles, Treat Everyone with Respect

    This is one I learned early. Both my Mom and Dad stressed that no matter who someone is, treat them with respect and care. The janitor deserves a "good morning" and a friendly conversation just as much as the CEO. If you can help someone, help them. Not because they may be able to help you later on but, because it is the right thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I did see personal (selfish) benefits through this, potentially an early laptop upgrade because I was nice to the IT guy, an extra resource or assistance because I was nice to Security, little things like that. Doesn't mean I did it for those reasons but it did show me that you never know what you may need one day. 

    Don't get me wrong, I am no saint. I am sure there have been a few customer care representatives that I could have been a little nicer to *cough* telephone companies *cough* but I do still try to live by this. I work hard to learn from these experiences and keep reminding myself that the person on the other line has probably dealt with nightmare after nightmare and ultimately, I do believe karma is a thing.

3) We are Not all in the Same Boat, We are in the Same Storm, With Different Resources

    I now know that I am beyond lucky to have been born into a loving family. My parents both worked hard and my sister and I never had to worry where our next meal was coming from or if the heat would be on in the winter. We were able to participate in sports and activities, had a static residential address growing up, had a mother home with us when we were young and enjoyed traveling as a family. My parents both emphasized the value of money and did tell my sister and I that not everyone was as fortunate but, I don't think I fully grasped this concept for a little while. I ignorantly assumed that everyone at least had the bare minimum. Somehow in my childish mind, I believed that Canada was a country that wouldn't let children starve or struggle.

    I remember in grade school, a friend of mine was always struggling to get her homework done. Naive and ignorant me was so confused why she didn't just go home, do her homework right away and save herself the trouble of being hassled in class. I remember thinking that she was "lazy" or "careless" and, even worse, I remember rolling my eyes when she said she had been helping her brothers with their homework and had to make dinner. My brain couldn't possibly comprehend that her parents weren't making dinner or helping. It wasn't until we were working on a project together (probably a year later) that I realized her father was not in the picture, her mom worked three jobs just to keep a roof over their heads and therefore, even at the age of 11, she was caring for her three younger brothers and making sure that they had something to eat that night and for lunch the next day plus, helping them with their homework to ensure they didn't fall behind. It was a harsh dose of reality for me that I had been unfairly judgmental and hard on her. I had been so convinced that the way I lived was the opportunity that everyone else had, I had completely missed the lessons my parents had tried to teach me. I had to take a step back and realize how ignorant I was and have tried to hold that lesson close to me my whole life.

    Not everyone has the same resources, abilities or support as others, plain and simple.

4) People do not See Things or Think the Same as You 

    This was a hard one for me to learn that I still struggle with. The words "keep it simple stupid" come to mind as my first real exposure to this. I had to write a "process document" for a class teaching people how to hook up a speaker. The way I wrote it made perfect sense and when it came time for "testing", another classmate was expected to use the instructions and set the speaker up. I proudly handed over my five page, step by step document and was almost offended when I realized how much my classmate struggled. I took this personally. I couldn't understand how someone couldn't understand the "oh so clear" instructions that I had written. Then I started to notice that everyone was struggling with instructions given to them. Worse, I struggled with the instructions given to me. There were slang terms used in the instructions I had never heard. After what seemed like ages, the teacher finally showed mercy and told us all to sit down. This is when she asked how it went. We all rolled our eyes and groaned, she knew how it went. She laughed and taught us the K.I.S.S. rule (keep it simple stupid). She explained to us that because we all have different backgrounds, education and experiences, a lot will get lost in translation.

Take this a step further, everyone has a different tolerance, 
a different idea beauty, 
a different idea of success, 
a different belief system,
a different expectation of themselves or others,
different abilities,
different goals,
different values and views all together.

    Nobody sees me the exact way I see myself in a mirror. No one will understand why I did something. No one will know what I chose not to say. Nobody will really know what is going on in my mind. Something that I do out of compassion and love, may be looked at as something self serving or out of pity. Any extra weight that I may feel I carry at times, can be looked at by others as beauty or envy as they wish they could put on weight and not be chastized for not eating enough. Everyone has a different tolerance for how they want their life to be or what happy means to them. Someone who excels in the chaos of a crowded room may wither at one on one conversation. In other words, whatever you say or do, will always be up to interpretation by others who have a different experience in their life.

5) You Hear Your Voice the Most, You Are Your Own Worst Critic (Unless You're a Narcissist)

    This one is pretty self explanatory and, no matter how many times you "reteach" yourself this, that nagging voice may still be there. I remember once a girlfriend and I were getting ready to go out to a club (remember what that is? Pre Covid Days!). I had a pair of jeans on that used to fit just a little bit better (prior to the freshman 15, the sophomore 7 and the graduation gain). I was feeling bloated and less than attractive and I clearly remember blowing up my cheeks and walking out of the bathroom saying "I am plump!" to my friend. She initially laughed but then got very serious on me when I told her I was going to change. She actually got upset with me and said that she would never let someone else say those things about me, so she isn't going to let me say those things. She then reassured me the way only a best friend can, by telling me I'm "hot" and that "any man would be lucky to have my attention", we finished our drinks and headed out to the Uber. Those words still ring through my mind. If you wouldn't let someone else say those things to you, stop saying them to yourself!

    If you are an artist, an athlete, a writer, if you have a passion for anything, pursue it and love it. Try, just try and say something nice about your work, your accomplishments each day before you start to rip it all apart. People see amazing things in you, you should at least try and do the same.

6) There is a Difference Between Equality and Equity

    Maybe not in these words but, this was a big lesson as a kid for me. Having an older sister who is into very different hobbies than I am and has very different interests and a very different personality, we were treated differently at times. Different things motivated her and different things motivated myself. Not everyone needs the same push. 

    This lesson translated very quickly into the workplace, especially in a supervisor role. Some employees were very self motivated and simply wanted recognition for their accomplishments and maybe even a little more responsibility, others, needed a little more time to learn new skills and a little more motivation to complete a job. Obviously, some are easier to work with than others but luckily, I had a manager who taught me that each employee can provide something important to the team if you just take the time to get to know them and work with them. 

7) Don't Take the "Little Things" for Granted

    Cliche, I know. But so are all the others. Those little moments that make you smile, the time a friend took to bring you a coffee or simply send you a message to check in, the quiet nights alone with a book and a glass of wine, the nights out with friends and a few too many drinks (yes these will come back). All of these things can mean the world to you, if you let them. I know that I spend a lot of time trying to organize a perfect games night or find the perfect way to say something to someone, when ultimately, my friends would be happy if I just put a bowl of chips in the middle of the table and put out cards against humanity. They don't care if my place is perfectly clean or if I have drinks for everyone (most bring their own). The time spent with them is what meant more than anything.

    More and more this year, I have learned exactly how much those little moments really do mean. The time I get to spend now with my dog, the time I know have each day to workout, getting to connect with my parents again as an adult. The video chats with my friends. The little escapes I get with friends (in my bubble of course) when allowed. The perfectly brewed coffee my mom makes every morning. The more I started focusing on these things, the more I started to look for the silver lining in things. Don't get me wrong, I still have my days but, even in those days I find it easier to accept that it is just a day.

Tough Enough

To every woman that has ever been woken up by an alarm in the morning, exhausted and burnt out, ready to hit snooze, roll over and fall asleep again only to be reminded of the responsibilities and burdens that today holds and forced themselves out of bed, it will never be enough.

To every woman that has gone through their entire wardrobe to find that they don’t even own that one outfit that doesn’t make them feel “too fat” or “too skinny” but get dressed anyway, it will never be enough.

To those women who spend time In front of their mirror attempting to contour to perfection, cover their flaws and create new features, simply to force a smile and pretend that they are confident, it will never be enough.

To the women who have a whole arsenal of hairdryers, straighteners, curlers and product to style their hair in that trendy way that the magazine shows is in style, it will never be enough.

To all of the women who grind through work, knowing that each day that man sitting next to them with less experience is being paid the same, or worse more, but still manages to smile and give it everything they have, it will never be enough.

To that woman that has finished work exhausted from giving it everything, knows she still has a long laundry list of “to do’s” but still, sips back that coffee and gives everything left at the gym to obtain that perfect body, it will never be enough.

To the women that study and learn everything they can just to get a leg up on the competition, it will never be enough.

To each woman that tries to silence her hungry child from crying in the grocery store to avoid upsetting others, it will never be enough.

To the woman who cooks the perfect meals, watches how often she texts her crush, focuses on her friends, eats a balanced diet, makes time for her family and is never late for anything, it will never be enough.

You see, “enough” is a term that I have heard too much lately. Whether it is to encourage “you have studied enough”, “you have saved enough” or even simply, “you are more than enough”. Or in a negative way “you don’t eat enough”, “I don’t see you enough” or, “not enough time” the implications are the same. There is some silly measurement that we consider “enough” and somehow, everyone is supposed to know where that line is.

You can give every single ounce of energy you have in an attempt to be that woman you see as “perfect” and it will never be enough. Not to anyone else, but to yourself. You will always look back and think you did not save enough or you did not do enough. This is a dangerous way of thinking that ultimately will lead to you looking in the mirror and thinking, “I am not enough”. Trust me, I know.

Whether you are hearth broken, stressed at work, cramming for school, practicing for a sport, paying bills or just trying to get through a day, stop trying to decide if you are or aren’t enough. The answer, in your mind, will always have a nagging doubt.

So now, I ask: enough in comparison to what? Or even worse, to who? What does “enough” even mean? How can someone be enough? Enough is a measurement that does not match with human nature or even fit in day-to-day life. There will always be more to do. Sorry, let me repeat that, there will ALWAYS be more to do. So what? There is always tomorrow.

What are you trying to be enough for?

For your parents to be proud? They already are.

To be a role model to your kids? You already are.

To be that woman that the men want? They already do.

To be a woman that others want to be? They already do.

To be a straight A student? Keep studying.

To be a varsity athlete? Keep practicing.

Enough is a foolish frame of mind. We have tricked ourselves into believing that if we measure things on if they are enough or not, we will somehow conclude one day that all the work we need to do is done. Hate to break it to you but that is not a real thing! There will always be a new challenge, a new obstacle and a new day.

Stop thinking that you missed that shot because you didn’t practice enough.

Stop believing that you would like yourself more in the mirror if you worked out enough.

Stop thinking he left you because you weren’t enough.

Stop letting yourself feel that you aren’t enough.

Stop that anxiety driving, gut wrenching thought process.

Stop..... Just stop.

Start thinking in terms of accomplishments and actual measurable qualities. Focus on the hours you studied and realized your brain in mush and you deserve a break, not that you have studied enough. Listen to your body at the gym, it will tell you when you have maxed out, not when you have done enough.

Most importantly, focus on the person in YOU that you like and the person that deserves to feel respected and loved, not whether or not you are enough for someone else’s approval.

You are you.

Ladies, I know there are days where nothing you do feels right, where it feels like the world is stacked up against you. I know there are days where that alarm clock may as well be someone dropping a weight onto your chest. And I know, this is easier said than done. So help each other please. Competition is healthy to a point but just remember, if we aren’t supporting each other, who is? 

Not just because it is International Women's Day, but because everyone needs a boost once in a while. Please, take a second to tell a woman in your life the things that amaze you about her. If you feel jealous about something, someone else has or can do, ask them how they got there. Compliment them for it. 

Ask for help when you need it. Do things that make you feel good. Be you!

And when it comes down to it, remember, you are not “enough”, you are so much more than that.

Make it Better

Take a quick look through Instagram, Facebook or even Twitter and it will not take long to find a meme that resembles something along the lines of “I am NOT broken; I am just <insert whatever you please here>”.

                  

Whichever way it is worded, or whatever background is selected, the sentiment remains the same; “Nothing could possibly be stronger than me and capable of making me feel like something is actually wrong”. This is an incredibly dangerous statement. It sets the groundwork to dismiss impactful events as “not important” or “less severe” in someone’s mind.

First, what is it about being “broken” that people are denying? Let’s use a comparison that everyone can understand: a teenager is snowboarding and wipes out down the hill. In the awkward fall, the board lands on this teenager’s arm. This teenager goes directly to the hospital where they receive an X-Ray on their arm. This X-Ray determines that their radius is broken and, refers them to a Doctor for proper treatment.

From here, the teenager has two choices; accept that their arm is broken and receive proper treatment or, deny that the fall broke their arm, leave the hospital and insist that their arm is not “broken” it is just “hurt” and needs time to heal. As someone who has a slightly crooked pinky finger due to “healing”, I know which option I will select.

There is no logical reason to deny that this bone is actually broken. You can feel the pain, see the X-Ray image and, most importantly, realize that your arm is not functioning the way it should. The term broken does not mean irrepairable, it does not mean damaged forever and, it most certainly does not mean that the person is weak. It is a diagnosis that educates someone on what to do moving forward to ensure that everything heals properly.

So why is being emotionally “broken” such a terrible thing to admit? The same teenager is working their way through High School and they get a call down to the principal’s office. The teenager is informed that their brother has been in a terrible accident and died on site. This is traumatic. This is terrifying. This is damaging. Not only is the event itself going to sit heavy on this teenager’s chest for years, it will also affect how they interact with friends going forward. A fear of abandonment has now crept into their minds and, until this is identified, worst-case scenarios will always be assumed in every situation. They will become their own worst enemy.

This teenager is not weak nor, are they damaged forever, they just have not been given the proper tools to actually begin repairing. Two years down the line, they will be posting about how no matter what they have been through, they are not broken… they are too strong for that to ever happen. While posting this, they are simultaneously, sabotaging every relationship they have ever had by allowing paranoia to creep into their minds and therefore choking each relationship to death.

Every situation is different, every situation will have an effect on someone. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as a sudden death in the family, it could be abandonment from friends, a failed grade that separated them from all of their friends or even, a lost pet. People cope different, some not at all. In all situations, they need help. The only way to get help, is to realize that you need it.

Why is being “broken” such a bad thing? Why is it something that we have been taught to feel shame about? It isn’t a sign of weakness, it is a sign of strength. It means you have had the strength to face a problem head on and, realize that, maybe just maybe, you need help.

We have not all grown up to be trained counsellors or psychologists, just like we have not grown up to all be doctors. I would not try to fix my own broken leg; I would trust the doctor. As a generation, we need to become comfortable with the idea that “broken” can actually be a positive term. We need to understand that realizing something may be affecting us more than we thought to begin with, is a sign of maturity and intelligence.

Everyone is “broken” in their own way. Some are in denial, some are in repair and some have been mended. Where along the spectrum do you want to be?